A Broken Rose

Beauty

2011-05-28T18:50:00.000+01:00

Explain me

Keep me behind bars,

So that I may whither away.

Tell me you love me,

Yet deprive me of truth.

Confine me inside lines I must not break

Still you define me.

When I am nothing,

but what I am.

Nothing more.

So shy away,
In pain, alone, judged and hated.
Regret you ever saw me
That you want what you hate
And nourish what would die.

So unpredictable,
Grotesque and horrific
What use is seeing me,
In all you never wanted.

~~Possessed. By rage.~~
~~Fueled. By Desire~~
~~Yet the words you utter~~
~~Claim no meaning.~~

Is it scary?
How much damage you do
Is it scary?
That you'll always be our weakness

Together we bring war.
Pain.
Lies.

We feel hunger like none before.
Being judged and hated.
No worth, no life, but soul.
To struggle, alone

To look out and feel the limitless wind,
Then realise you have nowhere to go.

Is it scary I still find you beautiful?

~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~*

Was having a conversation yesterday about how everything in life is beautiful And how beauty should be appreciated for the most part. No matter how Grotesque it might appear to someone else. You can't define beauty, it's simply what it is.
The world isn't black or white. There's a crime for the sake of the greater good. Or loving someone you can't bring you happiness, but it breaks your heart even more when you're apart. What makes it beautiful is nothing. It's just what it is. You don't contain and define beauty behind bars and lines, it's open and unexplainable.
Like finding beauty and illness, death, solitude. It isn't worthless. Art is never always eye pleasing. But it will not fail to touch someone, somewhere.
Witnessing war, disgusting as it may be. Sickening as it may feel. Has an immense energy behind it, leaving others in awe.
The small, fragile human is nothing to things greater than the universe, yet raw emotion alone has such mesmerizing strength. When you fight for what you believe in, or fight from trust.

I always find reasons to fall more and more in love with the world.

-This Girl-

Missing Nostalgia

2011-04-12T23:47:00.003+01:00

"The door we open and close each day, decide the lives we live."

Wow, Almost too busy to blog. I think I sorted out the comments too. Next archives. -___- Yay me. At this rate I won't get my to-do list done. D: Even though I started lining some colouring pages today.

Other than that, ideas for comic coming along great < 3 Comic title.. Not so great. Theme is alongside; memories, taking things for granted, being optimistic, Humour, relationship, youth, friendship, childhood, lifestyle, hope etc.

So maybe Missing Nostalgia is okay? Or not.. whatever. I have a feeling that the way I intended for this to be is going to change greatly. I wanted a lighthearted gag comic. Yet somehow inspiration cries out for a sweet story with powerful meanings. Which I actually would prefer. It's something I'm used to, and I feel that's how media should be portrayed. If it doesn't leave a thought or impression that gets you thinking of a meaning. What's the point to it? It's not art.

"I've learned that people will forget hat you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

^ Totally agree,

"Life is not measured by the numbers of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

And possibly the meaning behind the comic I'm going for;

"Things don't go wrong and break you heat so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be." -- Charles Jones

Anyway, night time for me.

-This Girl-

Holidays

2011-04-10T10:09:00.002+01:00

We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

- Dr Seuss

Messed up this template so bad! If anyone notices any errors, or knows how to fix a few of the things, please tell me! Anyway, I forgot to blog, so I'm doing it now. In the day. This doesn't happen very often, my words tend to flow more at night.

My holiday has started so I figures I should make myself useful this easter. I wrote a to-do list and realised I didn't have a new years resolution... decided to do that too.

Also planning for a lil humor comic. Not so much lame gags, but about those funny, embarrassing, unbelievable moments that we all go through at some point in our lives. Designing characters! But I have so many ideas about what to include. Also thinking about hosting it on SmackJeeves for the meantime. I'm lost for words on what to title it though, all i can think of is;

Shit Happens

Anyone got any better ideas? I'll most likely blog later today. Not much else to say right now, except that my nails are purple.

-This Girl-

I Realised...

2011-04-07T23:59:00.000+01:00

...Why I'm blogging. Forget feelings, or moaning, or ranting, or bitching. It's self assessment. Quickly realizing, as days go by. Instead of worrying what to write. You're just writing as it comes to you. Writing down, assessing your day. You may be in a mood at the beginning, but at the end. You looked at it from another perspective. So, this is not a blog to show off. I could care less. Honestly, I'm not a crazed attention whore. I'm now placing showcasing work, or putting up my to-do list for the world to see.

I'm thinking. Reviewing my own life.

Maybe it'll increase my grammar. Or the way I put a sentence and structure my words. But none of that matters right now. A personal blog. Taking the time to look back on a day, and get to know yourself better. It's worth it. Blogs are not for attention whores, or showing your bouncy baby boy to the world. Blog are for you. No matter how many watchers or followers you have. Atleast in my opinion. One day you'll stumble across an old post, and the feelings you had while writing it will come rushing back.

It's why posts are getting longer, more detailed. Yet containing as little information as possible. It's not a diary to keep track of past events. That's not needed. No point in trying to write a post ahead of time and schedule it. Your feelings, my feelings will change. It won't be relevant anymore. In the end, you'll have to write a new post, that'll be in a completely different direction.

So many thoughts go through your head in one day. So many emotions. I used to cry to let things out, washing emotions away with tears. Yet, blogging, I can write them out. Type what I think and seal the words in a text riddled with meaning. Feelings. Or something.

Then you're going to look back on things, and wonder. Why in God's Earth did you put that down? Filled with such childish, or openness, or even stupidity. Realise, how you change.

-This Girl-

Tinier things, are noticeable.

2011-04-06T23:59:00.001+01:00

I'm an idiot. Went and made myself depressed by over thinking, that's a first. The depression, not the thinking. Either way it's time to sleep things off.

Yay for inbalance. Getting pissed off for some reason. I have no idea why. It's strange. I don't get pissed off. I cry it out, I cry instead of anger. I cry instead of alot of things. I cry, instead of probably an emotion I should have towards a situation, yet I feel nothing. Just to avoid a build up.

Rambling.

Tinier things are noticeable.

Noticing how I can't write about the laugh or smiles I had today. Or the strange things. You always have more to say when it's negative. You remember the bad things in life more clearly, more frequently. You pick up flaws in people too often. Take someone you barely know, only talked to a few times. Mention only good things about them. Don't think about a simple flaw.
It's that way of thinking that's sad. Such negative energy. Always complaining about life, what's the point in complaining when you're bringing it all onto yourself. There's so much around, but you wouldn't care.

"There are flowers everywhere, for those who bother to look."

Makes perfect sense. Apparently I walk too slow. It's summer, even if I'm on my own. It's not a crime to enjoy that sun, relax with a few lollypops and notice how the sky is so much brighter. Notice how the bushes are so much greener or how the air is so much cleaner.

Somehow complaining, but then realizing you don't think of the wonderful things in life as often as you should. Changed my mood. So wonderfully talented, beautiful people are suffering. We joke about ethnicity, culture, beliefs, social status. But in reality, It's not funny at all. Genuinely knowing people, can create a scenic memory. It makes you stronger, maybe tougher, maybe happier.

When it comes down to it, not everyone on the streets is a damn drug abuser. We're stuck to assumptions, and judgmental media imposed images. We're mostly hypocrites. And rarely escape that fact.

Seems like I'm always tolerating people. But that's got nothing to do with it. Why can't I blog in a good mood? If it's a good mood, I have no motivation and go to bed very early. Typical. So let's fake a smile. Strange how all I need to do right now, is sleep it all off. It won't be there in the morning.

Probably just realizing how unfortunate, unfair everything is when your oblivious to the world around you.

Maybe I should write Poetry. Poetry sounds good.

-This Girl-

There are flowers everywhere

2011-04-03T20:13:00.000+01:00

For those who bother to look.

Hm, So much for posting daily right? Either way, been busy with work and school. Things to do. I wonder what tomorrow brings.

Maybe I don't post, because I'm suddenly not homicidal and more or less mentally stable. Or, I'm too lazy. Either way I don't have much to post. I should be bugged more about it I guess, Getting into the habit of writing daily. And whatnot.

But, who would read a random blog like this... ;3

But hey, today was mother's day. At least, in the UK. Bought a large teddy and a large box of Ferrero Rochers (Her favourite chocolate). Also some movies coming out that I want to see. Seems like all I'm doing now is waiting for the school year to end. Not much counts anymore. Days are either too slow, or the years aren't passing quick enough. I want to be out of here and on my own, so I can breath.

Maybe it's the cold. But I'm suffocating. I want to draw, dance. I want to be left alone. Sounds selfish, all this I want. Back to sucking on ice.

But this is me trying to make posts more readable and structured. Even I wouldn't want to read the large block of text I normally leave. I'll try to actually post something, take that small moment to put down what I feel, not leave a random ( yet humorous) picture.

On another note; doing pixel work for a game using the Eclipse Origins Engine. Just don't confuse this the original engine. I'd post my work and whatnot, but I know how blogger works. I don't feel like having images up for grab on google when the beta isn't even out yet. On the topic of pixel work, game making and all that. Seems like I'm heading for graphic design in future. I enjoy it, yet somehow I'm taking Art n Design instead of graphic design. But that seems better for me, I can express more. If I was to do graphics in future, I'd do it personalized no matter what, putting creativity and expression on a whole new level. The world needs to get up close and personal, art is the very first form of that.

-This Girl-

Yeah, you

2011-03-15T22:12:00.000Z

Think About It

2011-03-15T06:11:00.000Z

Your ignorance pisses me off to the core.

2011-03-13T18:36:00.000Z

To the point sometimes I wonder how my life would be without you. Maybe I'd smile more, maybe I'd learn more, maybe I'd live more.
Maybe If you weren't there.
I don't mean leave the face of the Earth (, or maybe I do), just don't bother taking part of my life. .
I have a feeling, It's not gonna get any better for a while.

But moods change quickly, we're fragile like that.

-This Girl-

French Or German

2011-03-10T05:56:00.000Z

When will I decide? Because apparently, It should be soon. As much as I'd love to take both languages. I can't. Which sucks a whole lot.

Also, today. Parent's evening. Just when I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life, people seem to be insistent on deciding for me. I chose history, but I'm very capable of doing both history and geography. But I won't drop media studies for it, the not as academic subject which seems to be looked down on.
"She'll make a great historian, all writers are." Um... okay then?

Double science and triple science. I'm still confused. Obviously triple is a lot harder, I just don't have the time to take it. If I choose not to do media studies, I'll be taking triple science. Not geography or double.

You know what. It's much easier to write a poem than all this ranting. @_@ Maybe this should be a creative writing, expressional and emotional blog. However, with every post, I can easily sum up a prose or work that expresses it all in words .It seems to work best when I'm not in a good mood...

But, back to what I started off with. Will I enjoy french or German more? Infact, what one's harder so I can learn the second one later on in life. @__@

I always thought they limited my options, but there's just not enough time to continue to learn everything, Since when was it a crime to start saying things to people's faces? -pats- End of this. We'll see how tomorrow goes since I couldn't give a damn to do any work today. <3

-This Girl-

My dictionary

2011-03-05T23:08:00.000Z

Cooties

2011-02-25T07:55:00.000Z

Are deadly.
Serious business. No. Really.

Rofl, but seriously, how cute are kids?

I found a site I made when I was 8 today. It filled of fail, but I can't help but giggle. Cartoon obsessed and way more hyperactive than I am today.

Filled with typos and excessive exclamation marks. ^^; Atleast I could structure a sentence properly.

The 8 year old who called herself sweetheart and fashion queen. The one who had a big ego (, though that didn't really disappear).

Good to see I had some self respect like I did then.

"Hi and welcome to my fab site. Here all girls can express them self. theres no reason why you cant join (unless your a boy). anyway tehres a few rules but dont start sulking they not really boring . its really anything to do with this site. just have fun really. so enjoy my wonderful site. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Afterall, girls at any age need to express themselves.

Fix Up

2011-02-23T23:51:00.000Z

Gah, what did I even do today?

Oh right. Glasses. x3 Went to the opticians and Getting a new pair in a weeks time. Reinforced with special lenses. Can't remember the crap they told me. But it was enjoyable, we joked, laughed, had fun. A good day out I suppose. D= Though, my sis ones are cooler. Clip on sunglasses, ftw <3>Was kinda looking forward to going to the church youth programme. ^^; But, everyone wouldv'e been atleast 10 years older than me. I think I'll pass for this week.

Joined guild forum and helping out, .-. Kinda feels good to be of use.

Would put way more, O_o but I'm limited on time. x.x Trying to back up all files on this stupid laptop. It's falling apart on me.

Seems for once, I'm posting in a good mood? Though, the little post, is pitiful.

Gah, smiley rape.

By sunset

2011-02-22T21:36:00.000Z

Amazing.
It ends by sunset
The mood is gone.
It's not her fault,
It's yours.
She smiles, when she sleeps.
When she sleeps, you're not there.
Her dreams are hers alone.
She knows, you can't find her there.
She knows her dreams are safe

Seriously though, why can't I wake up in a good mood and not get stabbed in the back by it by the end of the day. I don't think that's very fair. Many thanks to 'Goodbye Mr A' and 'Play On' (Paloma Faith). @_@ Those songs sure helped me recover my somewhat usual mood. Getting there, I guess.

Just another thing I need to sleep off. Or sing out. Or write.. Actually, I'm liking the sleep option more.

"Music is food for the soul"

Possibly.

Who are you?

2011-02-21T20:54:00.000Z

Who are you that knows me so well.
You see behind this mask I'm wearing, a mask I never knew.
This box that I'm trapped in, this cage that awaits.
How is it that you, can see past what I do.
You know a me, that I don't know.
A little girl I never wanted to see.
A girl I never wanted to know.

So, I'm back? This isn't a poem. It's just how I'm feeling right now.I guess that's how people are, expressive. Doesn't matter though. Felt like I should get into the habit of writing regularly. Blogging is one way I guess.

The most beautiful child i have ever seen!

2010-07-24T13:42:00.001+01:00

This is one of the most beautiful children I have ever seen, so cute and I hope he takes pride in it when he grows up!
A fair complexion against those eyes are captivating!
Click here to see photo's!

I just had to say it!

La de doo da

2010-07-10T00:25:00.001+01:00

Can't sleep.
Not insomnia... I just don't feel like sleeping. Infact, call me a nutter, but I feel like staying up till my eyes burn..
on a side note.
:D Lil kid's story (-.- limited to like 14 pages) is coming along great!

> > Must have it done by Tuesday Dx, anyone know how to sow? Making a very embroidered cushion... not fun when it's so time consuming.

The latter.. doesn't sound so nuts.

Xin chào, Hola, Ni hao, Halo, Aloha, Guten Tag..

2010-07-07T21:37:00.000+01:00

Hello in many languages? How many times has that been done...

Woah.. Hold on there buddy.
Pardon?
Who are you?
Well... I'm Miss blogger, did I not make that clear?
You think you can just stroll down here and start a blog?
Yes.
Oh.. Well, do we get to know you?
No.

Don't worry, I'm not that weird.. Miss blogger is a female with many interests. That is all.

...

...

-.- I like purple and blue, but I don't mind most colours. I love art and literature and find knowlodge an important attribute. As well as something to pass the time...

See how boring I am? Do we have to continue?

...

You fell asleep didn't you.. Oh, never mind.

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